lovin thyself: an intro

 

hi its me

yep so thats me, milee. yes, a citygirl with a heart composed of old school romanticism.

It’s a lousy Sunday afternoon and I'm scrolling through my gallery with pictures of friends and foes I once used to know and love, of pictures of an insecure self, hidden behind sorts and layers of snapchat filters that could trick  the target audience into viewing my life as one of perfection. I was 13, when I first googled diets and workout routines to morph myself into models who popped up on my Instagram feed.  I knew love, I did; to my 14 year old self, love was what I made out of Pinterest couple-goal photoshoots and videos of fancy weddings with dogs for ring bearers. I knew love to be a compilation of hashtags and publicity stunts, and feelings I convinced myself into believing I never deserved. How could I? I was far from perfection, or whatever it was I thought was perfection. Friends and families I forced onto myself to lead that one perfect lifestyle the internet drilled into my young mind. But, something was just not quite right. I could not, or let’s just say, refused to recognize exactly what. Over time, I acknowledged it. I was not happy. I was not happy with forcing myself to be a certain way. The “perfect” way. Over time, I realized, there is no perfect way, and I needed help. My 17 year old self was lonely, but finally free. She was fierce, learning how to take care of herself. Eating right and loving herself. A little crazy, but trying her best to be the best version of herself. She failed sometimes, but that’s okay because she was new and she needed time.

Today as I’m on my couch, proud of my physical and mental self, with a loose untidy bun, I can assure you that self care is not just about Korean face masks and manicured nails. Self care is realizing that there is no such thing as perfection, and its okay to not be okay sometimes. Self care is patting myself in the back for every lil accomplishment, and wiping my own tears for every time I mess up. Love yourself, treat yourself, be kind to yourself; because you are amazing, and there is no one else quite like you, and you should be proud of that.